Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
