So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Randomize
