two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
