i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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