Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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