what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
