You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
