i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
