i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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