i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
