Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
