i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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