Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
