I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
