I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Shame is for Republicans.
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