wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
