im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
