I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
