You don't have asthma, your pregnant
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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