I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
