You can't motorboat a personality
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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