How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
