Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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