I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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