a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
