I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
