Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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