A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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