I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
