I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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