Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
