You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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