My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
the day after is always just damage control
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
