I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
