i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
