I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
