Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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