the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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