I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
