I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
