i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
