you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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