I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
