We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
