In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
