Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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