i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
