Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
