Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
