He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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