can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
