fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
