the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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