just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
