Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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