we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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