he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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